I got this link via a MySpace bulletin….

Now, anyone who’s talked to me for any length of time about porn knows that it’s not the objectification of women that I hate about it.   It’s usually the women in porn that make me hate it.  It’s not that I hate that they’re skinny, or that they have bit boobs, or that their cha-cha’s are perfectly groomed, or that their vulvular areas are prettier than mine.  They talk too damn much, they don’t act like normal women do during sex, and did I mention that they don’t fucking shut up?  So, my enjoyment level goes down because I have to mute it and imagine the hot, sexy, animalian noises they’re making.

So, my problem is this.  Porn today really sucks, mostly because…well, they’re not really having fun in sex the way the rest of us do…or, well, at least like I do.  There are no longing, lustful looks.  There’s definitely no laughing and giggling at the strange noises our bodies make.  There’s no “ow, I can’t move my leg in that direction, scoot your ass over”.

Ever watch the early, black-and-white film era porn?  It’s hillarious.  It’s wild.  Some of it is just downright stupid.  But, it’s entertaining, it’s loving, and, you know, it’s a thousand times better than the shit today.  I say that with as much objectivity as I can right this very minute.  There’s not all this “Oh, yeah, harder, harder, fuck me!!!  Ohhh!!!!  I’m going to cum!!!!” bullshit that you know is 100% fake, and you can tell that the girl’s totally not into it by one minute detail, ladies, especially; You’ve made that face, ladies.  The one where you just want him to get the hell off you so you can get back to your crossword puzzles.  I’ve made that face once in the last month…and thank god that guy doesn’t call back   Anyway, yeah.  It’s the face.  The real “OMG, you’re hitting it” face is contorted, and not exactly beautiful.  It’s akward, it’s weird looking, and it’s…..god, I probably look scary as hell when I’m making the face.

Regardless….If you can, look up some of those old titles.  And seriously watch them.  It’s not about being a competitive consumer.

It’s about sex.

And sex….is a beautiful thing.

Ok. I never EVER gush about a Christmas present that I love OH SO MUCH that I have to gush about it. Until this year.

Ok, now, I may forget this sometimes, but my sisters know me well. VERY well. So well, in fact, that this Christmas, I got THE BEST present that isn’t breathing.

Well, second only to the year I got my guitar.

Oh, yes, Holly, she knows me well. Oh so well. I love her SO VERY VERY MUCH!!!! I mean, srsly, this is THE most awesome thing evah. I’ve been wearing it almost non-stop. (What? There are things that it gets in the way of!)
In fact, I’m wearing the sucker RIGHT NOW. I LOVE LOVE LOVE it.
Plus, it came in this pouch that had this on it :
This time next year, you will be fighting the Zombie Plageu, so enjoy this
holiday season while you can.

Srsly. I <3 Holly. She’s the best sister EVER EVER EVER.

Also, she bought me a “Baby Reaper” pendant (seriously, isn’t she the most awesome thing ever?), which I can’t find a picture of on Etsy. But, still.

So, the next time I bitch about how my family is f*cking retarded, please remind me that I Love Holly. No, really. I LOVE Holly.

Christmas is a holiday that I’m glad to wake up, look horrible, and watch the smiling face of my son as he opens boxes of things he’ll play with once and go back to his Legos.  Well, I dunno.  He might play with that toy cash register a lot.  He’s a craaaaazy kid
So, I sit here, with a sore throat, sipping my water, wanting coffee, and listening to Sarah McLachlan’s Wintersong….Her version of Greensleeves is my current favorite.  And that’s my favorite Christmas song ever
I’ve been up since 5:30am, and I’ve already been asked twice if I’m sad that I woke up alone…
I’m not in a real (boyfriend-girlfriend or girlfriend-girlfriend) relationship with anyone….so, um, waking up Christmas morning next to them would….feel fake, at best.  So, no, not into hooking up just to have someone to wake up to in the morning…why would anyone?  Especially if it’s not something real?  *sigh*  I don’t know….I guess I just think differently….I mean, I know at least half a dozen of my friends who plan their year around getting a sig. other by Christmas.  Why?
Here’s a few reasons why Christmas would be the last time I’d want a significant other to be around   None of them are their fault, LOL.
First….I’m the 4th child in a family of 8 kids.  One passed away 10 years ago in a car accident, but that still leaves us with 7.  We’re all fucking insane.  Plus, the youngest 2 kids are still in school (one in Elementary!!), and my mom saves the world a piece at a time by having foster kids.
Second….I tend to be the butt of everyone’s jokes.  Why?  Because I usually do stupid shit.  Like burning the garlic toast.  Or that my PRESCRIPTION glasses are weaker than theirs.  All it means is they’re fucking blind, and I wear mine so I don’t get headaches.  That’s IT. 
True story, this was an IM convo had last night, identities protected to protect the…innocent….

Me:  I mean, why on EARTH would I leave at 9pm?
Me:  I mean, Brodie’s so chipper when he’s up late.
Bestest Friend Evah:  Before the fucking Glock came out.

See, she knows me.  How she knows I have a Glock, I’ll never know. 

So….I sit and wait for the morning to wear on, and for 8am to come…because, you know, I love spending so much time with my family.  I honestly <3 them. 

but only if it’s snowing and I don’t have to drive anywhere.  I love sitting in silence, cup of cocoa or tea in my hand, watching the snow fall in…wherever, really.  It’s something I started doing when I lived in the desert, in Escalante, UT.

We had this gorgeous bay window, overlooking a vast expanse of nothing but tumbleweeds, Joshua trees, dirt, and rock.  The ground was horrible for growing anything other than dry plants, and there was a constant water shortage, so it never mattered anyway.

But, for the one week of the year where we’d get actual weather, it was beautiful.  The sun would be hidden perfectly behind a sky full of nice, big, puffy clouds.  The grey tinting to the world would be just enough to calm everything.

I remember things strangely vividly sometimes.  I had a big, green copy of Gone With The Wind, and I was sitting on the cushions in the bay window.  My mother had made me a cup of cocoa (if nothing else, the woman was an excellent cook….and made hers from scratch) to warm me up, and I snuggled in for a good read.

And, then…something I hadn’t thought I’d see, living do far south.  Fluffy little snowflakes fell slowly to the ground…I was distracted enough to sit, mesmerized in the window, for about an hour…doing nothing but watch the snow fall.

Snow in the desert has a special beauty to it.  There’s not a lot of grass…there is a lot of dirt….and the way the tawny and rust and white mix together…it’s a fascinating mix of colors…

So, while the snow fell this morning, I reminded myself of that moment…and I grabbed the nearest child (which happened to be Kadence, who spent the night last night)…

And we watched the snow.

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