When you commission work by a tradesman, they do the work, regardless of whether you, in the end, pay them or not. It could be 3 hours worth of work, or 300.
Regardless, they’ve done the work.
Now, picture this. You’re working at…wherever you work. Let’s say that it’s an office. You come in to work, do your job, and you do it with a smile. At the end of the week, when your paycheck comes, you notice that you’ve been shorted for 2 days. Being prudent about your own financial situation, you ask WTPF Is going on…..and you get “Oh, well, there should have been more on that check.” Um, DUH.
When you hire someone to do a job, please PLEASE PLEASE, for the love of all that is holy and pure, don’t fucking back out on it. When I work for you, you get what you asked for. I usually put in EXTRA hours to get it done right, and I don’t charge for them. I should start. I should start sending collection agencies out after assholes who don’t pay me for work I do. But that costs ME fucking money.
I hate people. This is why I hole up in my house, and only leave when cool-ass people visit me or get married. This is why I could survive in a bunker in a hole in the ground.
Yes. People are the suck. Clients are a particularly vile kind of suck. And clients who stiff you should be afflicted with something that makes it burn when they pee.
The things I do to minimize them fucking me over are:
1) I don’t ask them for money up front, I tell them I bill monthly. This is more work for me and for a one-off project this won’t work so well, but for something longer-term like web design it’s great because it
A) gives me a little bit of time to see if I hate them too hard to really work for them. If I do hate them that hard I just cut my losses and go, and I don’t have to return any advance to them or have them get pissy with me for dropping them as a client.
B) makes sure that as the project advances they keep paying me. There’s no holdup on my paycheck if they’re being fucktards about coming up with their final info for the site or whatever. I bill as I go, so I don’t give a shit if the site gets finished.
2) I make it painfully clear to them that I bill by the hour. Revisions after you’ve given me final copy? Sure thing, glad to do it, now you’re paying me twice. Want to meet with me for two hours and complain about your kids? Sure thing, I charge for meeting time. Want to talk on the phone forever about tweaks for the site? Rock on, I charge for that too. Want me to train you on how to update the site yourself? Sure, I charge my standard hourly rate for training. (This one always kills me – like I am going to teach you, for free, to do things that I get paid to do? Whatever.)
3) I hold something back until I have that final check. For web clients its access to their server/passwords/raw Flash files, etc. For print clients its access to anything but low-res pdfs of the work I’ve done. For some clients with whom I work well, and who have a history of paying well, I am not as strict on this, but most of them totally get this and have no objection – the ones who do have secret plans of fucking you over, in my experience.
Poor jenipants. People suck wang. And they’re not even very skilled at it. We hate them. Also, I work in a bunker in a hole in the ground at the moment and it’s not all it’s cracked up to be, for serious.
See, here’s the thing. I did work for them. They haven’t gotten ANY of it. I sent the bill. They sent the check. The check BOUNCED. They STILL haven’t gotten any of the work, besides screenshots.
I hate people. This was work that was supposed to get me out of the hole. I hate people I hate people I hate people.
With the fiery passion of 1000 suns.